2020—ALL OUT
A poem that describes exactly how I felt on Jan 1st 2020 starting a new year, after just ending a horrible one:
“…bruised and broken though we may be,
we know how to heal,
and heal again
how to reinvent in times of nothing
dance beneath the weight
of what threatens to break our backs,
how to pull laughter from our throats
when wailing was expected”
— We Are Ready (an excerpt from ‘This Is How We Disappear’) by Titilope Sonuga
A little Recap.
2019 was the worst year of my young life so far, with 88% of the 356 days spent crying tears of sadness/pain. Yes, I calculated.
- I was asked to resign from my job because they misunderstood me and felt attacked by my feminism/feminist tweets. This left me broke without a plan. I had just used all my savings to rent a place a week before the whole disciplinary action happened.
- I did not write, or have the motivation to write one single piece of creative writing/fiction. As a full time writer, you understand why this is not good.
- I battled PCOS, migraine and fibroid.
- My relationship with my dad became estranged.
- I had to leave my parents’ house after so much emotional abuse.
- I lost close friends.
- Developed severe depression, anxiety and low self esteem.
In pursuing some things, you’ll lose everything
— Pastor Emmanuel Iren
2020 General Highlights.
However, in 2020, I decided to make the most of my life. I decided to heal, take it slowly and figure my ‘non-existent’ life out.
On Life Lessons & Realisations:
- Social media is the craziest thing that has helped the world, but the one thing that doesn’t work for me. And yes, I’ve tried.
- A major health issue can deter your life’s course; 100% change the way you think, things you like, love and hate. Life as you know it will change.
- Help comes from those whom you least expect it.
- I unlearned my fat-phobia, got over my low self esteem issues, and fell in love with myself again.
- No matter how many times you think you got something, and you’re going to be alright, things can still go wrong.
On work:
From being frustrated with working as a columnist at Opera News, to getting scammed at a Westcorps interview, to working with my husband’s fintech startup, to almost founding my own startup, to attempting preschool teaching, to getting a job that basically had me bearing 4 titles by the time I resigned after a month — Corporate Communications Manager, to Marketing Manager to Executive Administrator then Experience Assurance Service role — the entire thing, and the organisation as a whole was a mess. The pandemic started and I was back to being ‘jobless’ again. I started pitching to companies for freelancing commissions, and almost got my break. But almost never killed a bird. I freelanced around, getting little cash here and there while doubling as a house wife. I finally found my fulfilment in my work writing non fiction. I wrote as a columnist for Eat Drink Lagos, Wadi Ben-Hirki Foundation, ShowMeOneThing (although it never went live on the platform); created two online courses for writers, and wrote a children’s book collection. I even attempted to write a full length non-fiction novel but stopped. I wrote about 150,000 words combined this year. In August, I got the dream job of my entire life since I was seven years old, to become a full time school teacher. I got a miracle job as an English and English literature teacher at one of the best secondary schools in Nigeria. I still cannot believe I had the opportunity of such an experience. This was indeed the best job of my life so far. A month after I started this job, I went on a compulsory one month bed rest, fighting for my life, and every day after that until the last days of November.
On my 2020 goals:
This year, especially after being heavily disappointed the year before, I wrote down just seven goals. I look at them now and I smile. Each single one a lovely dream come true.
- Write, as many things as you can: Done.
- Volunteer in the church nursery in service to God: Done
- Become very spiritual again and connected to Christ: Done
- Find fulfilment in your work as a writer and teacher: Done
- Read 50 books: Partly done (I read 46)
- Get published in at least 10 literary publications: Partly done (I got published in 7)
- Marry the LOML: Done
Looking forward to 2021 — What to expect
The plot twist of life is that the story remains the same — Isioma Eluemunor
I’m thankful for salvation, joy, fulfilment, forgiveness and realisations. The realisation of salvation and the power/meaning of Christ’s resurrection has caused a radical shift in my approach to life. Not to be dramatic (yet internally meaning to be dramatic) but I am no longer the Steph you knew before today. It’s funny how it took God the 11th month of 2020 to give me the entire 2020 miracle I never knew I needed. It was my ‘henceforth moment’, my life changing moment. He loves me. He heard me. He cured me (Vestibular migraine with aura, Uterine fibroid, PCOS and Hypertension). He brought love and light back into my life. He saved my marriage and friendships. He saved my life.
Come 2021, God willing, I will be devoting most of my time, energy, skills, talents and money, towards the course of the Gospel. I am fulfilling my purpose in life — To know God and to make Him known. Pastor Emmanuel Iren wrote in his book ‘Purposefully’, (piggy backing off another quote) that ‘every Christian is either a missionary, an impostor or misinformed’. I was the last of the three, and now I want to be the first.
By:
- starting my missionary blog at www.steupwithsteph.com. Two out of three weekly articles are summaries of sermon heard in church on Sunday and Wednesday (so, posts will be on Mondays and Thursdays). The third post —on Fridays— is for the Bible fiction series. The blog is helping to advance—through the sermon posts— people’s understanding of the word of God. It’ll also going to bring the Bible closer to us with these stories. Step Up With Steph is a platform to join me as we advance our progress and joy in Jesus.
- joining (already did in Nov) the Celeb Kids mission to teach young children the word of God. I am very excited about this because the teacher in me will stay alive with them. What joy it is to teach, but what bigger joy it brings me to teach the kids about the gospel of salvation.
On work:
In addition to my ministry work in 2020, God willing, I’ll be:
- writing (and publishing) my second novel — a book of short stories;
- volunteering as a teacher at Talent Mine Academy;
- continuing to volunteer as a writer on Stand to End Rape Initiative;
- releasing brand new, relevant, online courses for writers everywhere;
- enrolling and starting in 2 post graduate degrees- creative writing and education.
Conclusion
As I grow, I am determined to live as honest and as ‘un double-standardly’ as I can; everyday I’ll try. I am just a Paula writing her own epistles and hoping that it’s just the word someone needs.
PS: The Pastor Iren standalone quote, far above, was written in this letter sometime in March or April. I cannot believe that by the end of the article it means so much more to me: salvation and consecration specifically.
Truly, this year has been the first and most defining of my life. And now, I leave you in love.
Cheers to 2021: year one.
CTA:
Visit my missionary blog at www.stepupwithsteph.com
Catch me elsewhere at www.stephanieodili.com
Thank you for reading. I love and appreciate you all.
MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Signed,
Stephanie Chizoba Odili.
